What To Expect When You Aren't Expecting Anymore: Postpartum must haves.

You know, everyone tells you about "What to expect when you're expecting" - heck there is a whole book written for it! Plus, you'll even get plenty of unwanted birthing stories and pregnancy horror stories to make you second guess the entire process. However,  rarely do you hear about what to expect after you give birth. It is as if there is an entire cultural taboo around the subject so much so it seems if we don't talk about it, well then maybe it will go away... yeah right!

Sure people tell you that you'll barely get any sleep and you'll be more tired than any other point in your life, which I can attest is completely true, but that is it! You get no more insight than that!  I have been through my fair share of post-surgery recoveries to know that you usually receive a break down of expectations, goals, and "milestones" per-say to let you know where you are in your recovery journey.  So why wasn't I given ANY insight to my birthing recovery? This, albeit, miraculous event, is still a 'trauma' or for some women a surgery, that you have to recover from.

Thankfully I had a few close friends that gave me some insight as to what items I would need postpartum, but most of this advice was given after my baby was born. By the time half of the items arrived, I didn't even need them anymore.  I wish I had ordered them before hand, but I had no idea I would need them.

So here it is: my personal recovery story, the items I wish I ordered ahead of time, and most important, what to expect when you aren't expecting anymore.

**Forewarning, I am not holding anything back!** 

I apologize if some of you find this too graphic or detailed.  If you don't want to know the truth about feminine care after giving birth, I suggest not reading any further.  If you want to know exactly what to expect and what you will need, I hope this recap provides the insight I wish I had.

Right After Birth

After the nurses had laid my beautiful - and still slimy - baby girl on my chest after giving birth, I assumed my world would stop and all I would think about was how my life had now completely changed for the better.  While that thought did cross my mind, so did several others.  First thought - did I tear?

While  95% of first time moms have some degree of vaginal tearing, according to Parents.com, there are different extents to the tearing.  First degree tears are superficial tears which means only the skin of the vagina in torn.  Second degree tears means that the vaginal skin and submucosal tissue of the vagina has been torn. This degree tears involve the deeper layers of the vagina and the anal sphincter muscles. Fourth degree tears includes the vaginal muscles, the spinster muscles and the rectal lining. While online sources will tell you not all tears require repair with sutures, but doctor said she almost always repairs a tear, no matter the degree, with dissolvable sutures. 

Thankfully I only had a grade 1 tear, and it was repaired with sutures.  While I was literally getting stitched up, I didn't pay too much attention to that process since my beautiful new baby was laying on my chest.  One thing I did notice though was that the doctor was 'down there' for a lot longer than I would have expected for a "Grade 1" tear.  Later on I found out the criteria above and that it is actually the depth of the tear that really quantifies the tear, not the length of a tear.  So while my tear was superficial, it was long and still needed a decent amount of time to properly stitch up.

Going Home

Now that baby is out, cleaned and ready to go home. What about the Mama? First off, expect to still look pregnant - you still have a larger uterus full of extra blood and tissue in your abdomen and that unfortunately does not go away as quickly as baby came out.

Your first trip to the bathroom is thankfully accompanied by one or two nurses.  Mainly because by this point the epidural - if you got one - hasn't completely worn off so you may or may not be able to feel your lower limbs.  For me, my right leg was still completely numb, however my left leg was functional.  My nurses helped me into the restroom and began to show me what my "postpartum care" would consist of.

First off there, you are given a perineal cleansing bottle - AKA a douche - to literally squirt water up into your vagina and perineal area after you use the restroom to wash everything up.  Then you are given a very unattractive pair of boy short underwear to put on and to hold everything you need.  Before you pull up your new underwear, you are then given a grandma size pad to put in the underwear, followed by an ice pack to put on top of the pad, then they place some witch hazel pads on top of the ice pack.  Finally you are given some glorious numbing spray to use "down there" before you are done and pull everything up.  As if walking wasn't going to be hard enough, let's add the entire feminine pharmacy between you legs as well.

Now that you have left the hospital, they give you extra supplies of everything listed about to do on your own at home.  Besides begin extremely time consuming and making stairs more of a hassle than they should, this regimen isn't that bad.  However, how long you keep this routine up is something that was unfortunately never discussed. 

You have to change all of these items every 3-4 hours, or at least every time you use the restroom.  I personally did not mind the boy shorts underwear, however I was only given 4 pairs.  So did that mean I only did this regimen for 4 days? Or was I supposed to go out and buy my own? Can you wash them? I had no idea.

Before I went in for delivery, a girlfriend had recommended I get some adult diapers for my hospital bag.  I thought this was just for the urinary inconsistency that unfortunately followed giving birth - that was not a fun surprise the next day - but it was actually to replace the boy shorts/pad combo.  This greatly reduced the amount of 'stuff' down there which made moving around a lot easier.  I personally used the adult diapers my friend recommended - the Always Discrete - and placed the ice packs and witch hazel pads into the diaper.

I continued this for about 5 days until one morning I woke up with extreme chills.  I felt cold to my core and quickly took out the ice pack. This chill happened one more time that day so I emailed my doctor right away. After a quick phone call with my doctor, she informed me I was only supposed to use the ice pack for 24 to 48 hours... that would have been great information to have been given before we left the hospital!

After receiving that information, I threw out all the ice packs I had been given and tried to cancel the order I had just submitted for these ice packs from Frida Mom.  I was too late as the order with 20 more ice packs was already on its way.  Like I mentioned before, I wish I knew to order these items ahead of time and how many I would need.

The next question I had was how long would I need to wear these grandma style, heavy flow/over night pads? Again, I had ordered quite a few the Stayfree Ultra Thin Overnight Pads with Wings off Amazon - but by the time they showed up on day 7 of my recovery, the flow had reduced to a mild period flow, as opposed to the heavy lochia (this is a term for the heavy post birth flow that was very intense for the first 4 or 5 days. This flow is how your body gets rid of the extra blood and tissue in your uterus that helped your baby grow). After those 5 days I still tried to use these pads, but now it was over kill. So I was left with a supply of 50+ heavy duty pads that I don't need, but since they are open I cannot return them.  That doesn't even include the extra adult diapers I also have. 

What about the witch hazel pads and numbing spray? Again, no one every explained how long you actually need to use these items.  Yes, they do say it could take 7-10 days for the perineal tear to heal, but does that mean the discomfort is completely gone in 7-10 days? Heck no!  Personally I used the spray and pads for just over 2 weeks and then stopped.  Was that too long? Was that too short? I have no idea! What I used as my rule of thumb was if I could sit down and stand up without having to make any postural adjustments due to discomfort, then I must be mostly healed. For me that was the 16th day. Again, now I have an extra bottle of numbing spray and a bottle of witch hazel.

Now, three weeks out, I would say I am about 95% back to normal, and barely even think about 'down there' anymore beside still wearing a light day panty liner for mild bleeding.  However, my stock supply of items would probably get me through another one, if not two, birthing experiences.

So what items did I actually use and wish I bought before hand? Below is my list:

1. Ice packs 
1. The hospital supplies some from Medline but I ordered the ones from Frida Mom
2. USE: Apparently you only use these for 24-48 hours after the fact so I wouldn't splurge on a big supply
2. Frida Mom Upside Down Bottle
1. The hospital did give me two bottles to take home, but the inverted goose neck on this bottle would have made everything a heck of a lot easier.
2. USE: You will use this for probably a month after giving birth and possibly for future cycles.  I am still using it!
3. Herbal Perineal Spray and/or Frida Mom Perineal Medicated Witch Hazel Healing Foam
1. I ordered both and while it was easier to spray the Frida mom foam on the pad before pulling up my underwear as opposed to trying to spray the Herbal Spray upside down, I didn't like how the foam 'crackled and fizzled" once it made contact so I used the Spray more often.
2. USE: I used this for 2 weeks after giving birth.  Once it was no longer uncomfortable to sit down and get up, I stopped using the sprays
4. Frida Mom Witch Hazel Wipes
1. USE: I used these for about 10 days after giving birth.  Since I was spraying witch hazel and/or using the foam, I thought using the wipes as well was a little redundant.
5. Cushion to sit on 
1. Full disclosure: Since my pillow didn't come in until after I could comfortably sit, I returned mine.  However while I was waiting for the cushion to sit on,  I used one of my Breastfeeding Bobby pillows to sit on.  It worked just as well!
6. Adult Diapers
1. These are SO much more convenient that the pads during the first week.
2. USE: After 7 days I felt like my flow had greatly reduced so I switch the regular pads and underwear.
7. Stayfree Ultra Thin Overnight Pads with Wings
1. These had the BEST reviews in regards to leak protection, not being bulky and not irritating any stitches like the bulky pads from the hospital did.  I completely agree
2. USE: I used these for about two weeks until my flow became minimal and I switched to pads.

Well there it is.  Postpartum care in all of its glory.  And if you really want to see the true picture of what postpartum is like, then you have see this TV ad by Frida Mom that was rejected by the Academy Awards this year.  At first when I saw this ad I was mortified. Not because of the scenes in the ad, but because honestly I did not want to know the truth about what I was going to be going through.  Then as soon as I was home after giving birth, I realized how accurate this ad was.  This woman was me, this woman is me, and this woman will be you.  If knowing is half the battle, then after reading this, you are already way ahead of where I was, and I think I survived just fine, we are!